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funny love quotes

funny love quotes
In love there are two things : bodies and words. 

Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debating. 

Love: the delusion that one woman differs from another.

Virginity is like a bubble, 
one prick and its all gone 

Think of love as a card game: 
first, get rid of the jokers, 
throw away the hearts, 
keep the diamonds... 
then try to get a king 

There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy.
Her heart. 

A fast word about oral contraception. 
I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'

To all virgins: 
Thanks for nothing!! 
Sometimes I wonder if men 
and women really suit each other. 
Perhaps they should live next door 
and just visit now and then. 

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. 
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. 
Honesty is the key to a relationship. 
If you can fake that, you're in. 

When you are courting a nice girl 
an hour seems like a second. 
When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second 
seems like an hour. That's relativity.

No ones perfect. 
It's when you see past the imperfections 
that you call it love. 
Love is a game that two can play and both win.

One good thing about Internet dating: 
you're guaranteed to click with whomever you meet. 
You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a handsome prince. 
Before you find your handsome prince, 
You've got to kiss a lot of frogs.

The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits. 
Love your enemies. It really pisses them off! 
The longest journey you will ever take is the 18 inches from your head to your heart. 
I was married by a judge. 
I should have asked for a jury. 

An archaeologist is the best husband 
any woman can have; 
the older she gets, 
the more interested he is in her.

Love: Two minds without a single thought. 

Love is like a fire. 
Whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn your house down, you'll never know 

A member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

When you love someone, 
all your saved-up wishes start coming out. 

A Friend's Love says: 
If you ever need anything, 
I'll be there. 
True Love says: 
You'll never need anything; 
I'll be there. 

EASY: A term used to describe a woman 
who has the morals of a man. 

Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage... 

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. 

Love is the answer, 
but while you're waiting for the answer, 
sex raises some pretty good questions.

Sex without love is an empty experience, 
but as empty experiences go, 
it's one of the best. 

No man is truly married until he 
understands every word his wife is NOT saying.

I married the first man I ever kissed. 
When I tell this to my children, 
they just about throw up. 

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. 
An old man who marries a young wife grows younger - but she grows older. 
It is not uncommon for slight acquaintances to get married, 
but a couple really have to know each other to get divorced. 

I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. 
Do not marry a man to reform him. 
That is what reform schools are for. 

Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage. 
Love - a wildly misunderstood 
although highly desirable 
malfunction of the heart 
which weakens the brain, 
causes eyes to sparkle, 
cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker. 

Love is being stupid together. 
To love is to suffer. 
To avoid suffering one must not love. 
But then one suffers from not loving. 
Therefore to love is to suffer, 
not to love is to suffer. 
To suffer is to suffer. 
To be happy is to love. 
To be happy then is to suffer. 
But suffering makes one unhappy. 

Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, 
or love to suffer, 
or suffer from too much happiness. 
I hope you're getting this down. 

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: 
either the car is new or the wife is. 

When a woman steals your husband, 
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

If love is blind, 
why is lingerie so popular? 

Love is like war: 
Easy to begin but hard to end. 

Three things can't be hidden: 
coughing, poverty, and love. 

True love is like a pair of socks: 
you gotta have two and they've gotta match. 

Men aren't necessities, 
they're luxuries.

He said he'd love me forever. 
Forever ended quick.

Sex without the sizzle is like lemonade 
without the pop, 
it quenches your thirst, 
but leaves you feeling flat!

Marrying a man is like buying something 
you've been admiring for a long time 
in a shop window.

You may love it when you get it home, 
but it doesn't always go with 
everything else in the house.

When we got married I told my wife
If you leave me,
I'm going with you. 
And she never did.

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.
There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.

Passion is not having sex; 
it's making love forever.

Love at first sight is possible, 
but it pays to take a second look.

Love is like a game of chess: 
One false move and you're mated.

One should always be in love. 
That is the reason one should never marry. 

The bravest thing that men do is love women.

If you want to sacrifice the admiration 
of many men for the criticism of one, 
go ahead, get married.

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for, 
go live with a car battery.

Computerized dating can save a lot of guesswork 
- but so can a bikini. 

A man loses his sense of direction 
after four drinks; 
A woman loses hers 
after four kisses. 

Love is like an hourglass 
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.

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